


Path to Self Discovery

by AbsorbingMisery, nickolefox (AbsorbingMisery)



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: AU, F/F, Imprinting, Mates, partial canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:57:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9388151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsorbingMisery/pseuds/AbsorbingMisery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsorbingMisery/pseuds/nickolefox
Summary: Everyone struggles with their identity sometimes. Everyone tries to figure out who they are, and where they belong, but for Bella, her self discovery has been a long winding path. Good thing she has some help.





	1. Let's start at the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone.
> 
> I originally started this back in 2009, and was only uploaded on ff.net. I went through and made a few changes and while it is not finished, I do have the ending laid out. I figured while I was at a few updates and editing today, I would throw this up for anyone that might be interested. It can be very explicit at times, so you have been warned. (And by explicit, I mean sex between two consenting females =)

Prologue  
La Push/Forks Washington 1924  
What do I do? She paces. This can’t be real...I can’t be real. Humans, vampires, werewolves...and me. What am I? She hears them and stumbles as she begins to run through the darkness. Her heart is pounding and she can feel the intense heat surrounding her.   
“Isabelle stop! Please, we can help you.”  
Not on your life! She runs faster, striving to get away. Just a little further... She felt it when she was clear...when they would no longer come for her.   
She had no idea why and wouldn’t know for years why they suddenly stopped coming for her just as she crossed the creek bed.  
~~~  
Ch. 1 Let’s start at the beginning.

“So, Bella, are you ready for your first day?” Karen asked as she passed Bella a glass of juice and a plate of toast.

“Well it’s not like it’s really my first day...” I replied sitting at the counter. “I have gone to school before you know.” She didn’t mean to sound rude but smiled slightly towards her foster mother in a slight apology.

“I know that, Bella but it’s not like it was here. All your running off and being bounced around it will be good for you. It’s your senior year so please just try to make the best of it and get through it. Then you can go anywhere you please. Alright?” 

I nodded, “I know. I’m sorry I know you mean well. It’s weird, being back in this town...” I ran a nervous hand through my hair, “I’m grateful to you for taking me in. I know you didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. I knew your great grandfather, Charlie. He was a good man and my father respected him greatly. I see a lot of you in him. I’m glad to have the last of his line here in my home. He did me a great deed once when I was a child.” Karen smiled and touched my face softly.

“I remember.” Sitting down my glass I looked up in time to notice her confused expression. “Well, the story...one of the few things I do remember. I’m glad he found you. He said that was a scary night for him...his best friend’s daughter lost in the woods.” I cleared my throat, “He always said you were a lucky girl.”

“Nah, he was a lucky man.” She smiled. “Okay better get going you don’t want to be late. Are you sure you want to walk, I could always drive you?”

“I’m good. I think the walk would be nice anyway. I know I spent my early days here but it’ll be interesting to see how it’s changed.” I got up and grabbed my jacket and school bag turning hearing Karen laugh.

“Oh Bella, you’re 17 going on 70.” Off my look, she elaborated, “You said your ‘early days’ instead of childhood and honestly you were only two so it’ll be as if you’ve never seen the place. I’m surprised you remember the town at all!” 

“Yeah well, pictures and old news clippings help. Sometimes.” I looked down and headed for the door.

“Bella? I know it hurts...losing your family but maybe being here where the family begun will help you pick up the pieces. You’re a good girl, Isabella. Your entire family was. You have a lot of life to live...I just want to see you make the most of it. I’m here...for whatever you need.”

“Thanks Karen. That means a lot. I’ll be okay.” I smiled and turned making my way to school.

I took a deep breath and sighed as I walked along the street towards Forks High. This town hadn’t changed much, Karen was right. “I can’t believe I’m back here.” I mumbled to myself. All I wanted was to try and figure out some of the minor and finer details of my life and heritage. I snorted. Who knew after 85 years of drifting in and out of cities, suburbs and small towns similar to this it had to be this town’s police force to take notice and pick up a minor here alone. 

All in all, I was lucky. Really lucky. Anywhere else I would have gone into the system at least for a year and have my life poked around in... figure out who I was where I was from. Not here. Here, bless my stars I met Karen. A long-time friend of the family who was able to convince the local police that she was the closest thing I had to my family. She was. She knew my father. Well, she knows him as my great grandfather. She hasn’t been too nosey...at least not yet. When I finally got the nerve to confront her, she told me she knew I was coming. Her father had told her I would need her help, her guidance and that’s why she came to my rescue. As far as the local police (and my file as I learned they made on me) were concerned my parents were the only living relatives I had and they were killed in an auto accident three years ago, and I was a drifter ever since. 

My parents weren’t killed in a car accident.

My father was dead. He was killed barely after my 17th birthday. My mother...disappeared. I felt she was still alive however. I’ve been searching for her ever since.

I looked up noticing I had made it. As I began to walk up the stairs to the administration office a guy on a skateboard came rushing towards me nearly knocking me backwards. Luckily, I twisted just enough to fall sideways and land on my knees and palms. “Ouch.”

“Watch where you’re going you jerk!” A soft female voice called out to the quickly disappearing skater. I felt a hand touch my shoulder as I was picking myself up. “Hey, you’re Bella, right? I’m Angela. Are you okay?”

I looked down, quite startled as I took in my scrapped and slightly bleeding palms. “Yeah...fine. Just a scratch.”

Angela smiled and picked up my bag and handed it to me. “Aunt Karen told me to meet you out front here...sorry I didn’t find you in time to stop your near collision.”

“It’s fine, really. It does sting though.” I said absentmindedly as I looked at my hands again. I looked up as I felt Angela taking my right hand into hers. 

“Well, you did scrape them up pretty good; the skin is pulled back a bit. You seem surprised at the pain.” She paused looking at me carefully, “You’re not gonna pass out at the sight of blood, are you?” 

She was worried yet I could see she was also a bit amused. “No, just haven’t scraped myself up in a while.” 

“Well come on, we’ll go get you cleaned up and check in with admin to get your schedule all worked out and I can show you around. I’m pretty sure you will have all the same classes as me. “She smiled leading us into the building.

“How do you figure that?” I asked as we reached the admin desk.

“Aunt Karen has quite a bit of pull in this little town. She pulled a couple strings and made sure we had the same schedule. She wanted you to hit it off and have a friend.” Angela smiled and sat down in a chair as I filled out a form and got my class list from the receptionist who eyed me oddly.

“And what if you didn’t want to accept her job to play friend and tour guide to the new girl?” I asked smiling.

“I didn’t actually. I volunteered.” She stood up and took off down the hallway.

I quickly followed behind her knowing Angela would be a good friend to have. I was a loner. A drifter. Drifter...that was my name years...at least with the last bunch I was with. I never felt comfortable with my real name with them. Too many questions. But something was telling me I could trust Angela. I smiled, “Hey wait up!” I didn’t want her thinking I was too crazy on my first day. That would come soon enough. Taking one last look at my palms I shook my head and put my hands into my jacket pocket. It wasn’t the first time it had happened. I’d hopefully figure that out more later.

~~~


	2. Who said the forbidden fruit was an apple?

\---

Karen was good. Just as Angela had predicted we had all the same classes. The first few went by in a blur. I had to go through introductions in each class, which seemed silly as a lot of the same people were there hearing it again. “It’s such a small town.” I mumbled. Hearing Angela giggle I turned my head to the side. “Sorry I just can’t get over it. The last few places I lived were much bigger.”

Angela looked at me thoughtfully. “You’ve seen a lot the last few years haven’t you, Drifter?”

My head snapped up at the name and I froze.

Angela laughed, “Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost? I’m sorry, Aunt Karen just said you were drifting along the last few years and you kept telling the cops your name was Drifter.” She smiled, “Kinda cool but I don’t think they found it amusing.”

“Yeah well, I didn’t like telling people my real name. You never know who or what you’re dealing with now days.” I stopped talking, not understanding why I kept slipping up around this girl. I have to be more careful.

“Very true. If you don’t like it, I will stop. I didn’t mean to upset you in any way.” Angela turned the corner and I noticed we were in the school cafeteria. “Hungry?” She asked me.

I nodded my head slightly and followed her to grab a few items and we sat at a small table in the middle. She introduced me to a few friends, all that I had introduced myself to in one of the last 3 classes at least. “You’re right; it is a really small town.” We laughed.

As I was taking a bite of my roll I couldn’t help but feel as if something was floating about in my head. I immediately looked up to notice a group of vampires at a far table. They were acting as if they were having lunch but I knew better. Just like I knew what they were. There were five of them. Two, a very gorgeous petite female and a lanky bronze haired boy had been staring at me but now were intently staring at each other. I snickered causing Angela to glance over my shoulder and back at me.

“I see you’ve noticed the Cullen’s. And apparently...” she paused for dramatic affect before leaning her head closer to mine, “they’ve noticed you.”

I swallowed nervously after the scent of her strawberry shampoo hit me like a wave from the past and I tightened my eyes and took a deep breath. Looking at her briefly I turned back towards the vampires. “Yeah I noticed the two on the end there staring at me. Fun, fun being the new girl.”

Angela looked over and I could tell she was eyeing the petite female with black hair. If I didn’t know better, I would say it was almost jealousy she looked at her with. Maybe she liked the bronze haired guy? He laughed then as if he had heard what I just thought. Weird.

“Maybe.” Angela started then turned her attention back to me. “Well, I know you were introduced to Jasper and Emmett last period in History. Rosalie, the blonde is Emmett’s girlfriend. Jasper and Rosalie Hale are twins. Edward is the lanky guy on the end and the girl that seems to have your attention is Alice. Alice and Edward are Dr and Mrs Cullen’s first adopted kids, then they adopted Jasper and Rosalie and apparently, Emmett just a few years ago.

I nodded listening to her introduction of the family. Adopted. Sure, if that’s what these vampires are calling their coven. The two oldest must be the sires. I can’t say I’ve seen this big of a coven before...only heard tell of one in Italy. I had heard some vampires can roam about humans at will but this big of a coven, and they are attending school? I wonder what the death tolls are like. Again, as if he had heard me, Edward, as Angela called him suddenly stabbed his fork into his plate and had an irritated look on his face. It was then it dawned on me what Angela had said about Alice having my attention.

“What?” I turned to meet her eyes and knew I had been busted once again in my silence previously. “I was just...it’s odd how they all look somewhat alike yet they are all adopted children. Aside from the Hale’s that is.”

Angela turned back again slightly and then back to me, “Yeah they tend to keep to themselves for the most part though. They just moved here from Alaska two years ago, and no one knows too much about them except everyone loves Dr. Cullen.”

“He works at the local hospital?” I asked. He works around bleeding humans all day? Wonder how old he is.

“Yeah he’s a lifesaver that’s for sure. We’ve been thankful to have him here.”

Nodding absently, I sighed. “Angela, why did you say you volunteered to show me around and all? You don’t even know me. I could be some psycho killer.”

Angela laughed and touched my shoulder lightly. It tingled. I stared into her vaguely familiar eyes and waited for her answer. “I like making friends and Aunt Karen adores you. I figured we would hit it off. But hey, if you don’t want to be my friend that’s up to you...” she trailed off looking slightly pained.

“NO!” I said a little too loud and then recovered, “I mean, of course I want to be your friend. I was just curious, that’s all.” I smiled and my breath hitched as she leaned in to bump our shoulders and I was hit with the smell of her shampoo again.

“Bella, are you okay?” She asked and tilted her head to the side to keep eye contact with me.

I nodded, unsure at the moment of what to say. Ever since I had come back into this town I was having a hard time with memories of the past. One in particular was slamming into me right now like a freight train and I didn’t understand why. Of course, it always bothered me but I could usually keep it locked away. It must be this town...and something...something about Angela was helping to trigger it. That’s when I remembered...

“Elizabeth!” I called out as I ran barefoot through the soft grass. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day out. “I say woman, you best come out and not try and give me a fright like last time! I’ll not fall for it again!” I giggled twirling around in the sunshine until a soft body collided with my own and sent us rolling down a small hill in the middle of the meadow.

We laughed until we finally came for a stop at the bottom of the hill tangled in the flowers and ferns around us. “Well I had to try.” Elizabeth laughed and leaned over to pull a dandelion out of my hair. “If I recall you were the last to pull one over on me three days ago, Miss Swan when I thought that blasted lake had swallowed you up!”

“Aiy alright. So, does this make us even now, Beth?” I giggled and laid back, enjoying the sun.

Elizabeth was silent and propped her head up on her hand and gazed over at me. “Perhaps...or perhaps I still feel I am owed a little something extra. After all, I thought something horrid happened to my only friend.”

I grinned and blushed furiously as I rose up and leaned over to her. I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of strawberries and gently pressed my lips to hers. After a few moments, we pulled back and stared at each other. “What we do here, must never be found out. Father wouldn’t like it, and you would be forced sooner than you already are.”

Elizabeth frowned, “I know my Belle, I know. We must enjoy what we have, for time is short. Shorter than either of us might think.”

“Bella? Bella, are you okay?” Angela asked, waving her hand in front of my face. I could tell she was worried...something in her eyes almost begging for forgiveness. Why would she need to ask forgiveness?

“Yes, sorry. I’m being terribly rude. I don’t know what happened I just sort of dazed off some place.” I apologized and stood up as I noticed others were heading back to classes.

“It looked like you were remembering something...” Angela pressed slightly walking with me towards our next class. I noticed she turned slightly watching as the Cullen’s filed out and to their respective classes.

“Yes, I was...the past. That’s all. I’d rather not talk about it if you don’t mind. I mean no disrespect.” I hoped I wasn’t hurting her feelings but I couldn’t hash it out. Not now...possibly not ever. I was a monster.

No sooner had the thought left my mind did I notice Edward Cullen looking at me as if he were trying to read me. He half smiled and cocked his head to the side. The look I saw was curious. I turned away from him and hurried on with Angela. It wouldn’t do well to start off my first day late.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters will get longer, I was still a babe when I started this.


	3. Invasion of personal space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the Cullens

\----

I sat down in my psych class next to Alice Cullen herself. Angela was a couple rows over and shrugged apologetically. Pulling out my notepad I started to work copying down notes from the overhead screen on the wall. Angela had warned me this teacher was a big fan of note-taking. Half-way through my first page my ink pen stopped working. I dug through my back looking for the others I brought. Before I had a chance to reach one a small white hand reached over to me holding a pen. “Here you go, Isabella.” The silky voice whispered to me with a smile.

“Thanks.” I whispered back taking the pen. I noticed Alice pulled her hand back a little quicker than necessary when our fingers touched briefly. She looked as if she was holding her breath as she eyed me for my reaction. I smiled back, something comforting about her topaz eyes. She’s not a feeder. I shook my head softly, “It’s okay. Cold hands don’t bother me.” I whispered back and went back to taking my notes with her pen. I grinned to myself knowing I was leading her to believe I knew what she was, and it may have been too soon for that but I didn’t care. I had things to find out and a coven of vampires in my home town may just know how to help me figure it all out. I just have to figure out if they can be trusted first.

The rest of the day went by smoothly. It turned out that I had two classes with Alice and my last class of the day was with Edward. I noticed him keeping tabs on me off and on through class. I couldn’t figure out what was so intriguing to him but then I realized I was being ignorant. I had only been in Forks with Karen for about a week. Before that, I had been Drifter, roaming from city to city and most of the time in the company with other vampires off and on. He could sense it on me. I smirked. It was throwing him off...a human, with a faint sent of a vampire. It didn’t make sense I’m sure.

“No, it doesn’t. Care to elaborate?” He spoke evenly and stared directly at me.

“I don’t know you. I have nothing to explain to you.” I didn’t want to be rude but something about him didn’t settle with me. Besides the fact that he could obviously read my mind. He smirked. Smug creature, aren’t you? I thought. He grinned again. Shaking my head, I worked on building a wall in my mind. Noticing his look and the shifting in his chair I knew I was succeeding. He couldn’t read me. I’ll let him stew on that some until I figure out who best to approach for information when I’m ready. I wasn’t sure why but Alice was jumping into my thoughts. His head snapped around toward me once again. I’m going to have to get better at my wall around this one. “Butt out, mind reader.” I whispered and stood up just as the bell rang and made my way out with Angela.

“I noticed Edward speaking to you...” she started and I shook my head. 

“Yeah he’s creeping me out...I don’t think I like him.”

Edward brushed past us, looking back, “I’m not sure what to make of you, Isabella. But I’ll check with Alice.” And with that he strode off.

“Check with Alice? What is he talking about?” Angela asked genuinely confused. 

“I honestly don’t know...we didn’t speak of her and I only talked to her once in Psych.” We continued walking until we hit the parking lot and she pulled me away from the sidewalk towards the parking lot. “Oh, I don’t have a car yet...”

“No, but I do. Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.” 

I stopped and started to object when she spoke. “I know you’re going to say it’s out of my way but I’m headed to La Push to meet up with Jacob anyway so no objections.” She smiled and started up her car.

“Jacob is your boyfriend?” I asked and smiled. 

“No, Yes.” She said so quickly it was as if two people were speaking at the same time. 

She laughed then and shook her head, “Sorry. Yes, we are...things have been a little off lately but we are. Sorry if I seemed a little spazzed there for a second.”

“Not to worry.” I smiled back and watched as we quickly approached the house. 

“Jacob Black is his name. He lives and goes to school on the reservation. I only get to see him a couple days a week after school and the weekends...hardly seems like enough!” She laughed. “He’s having a bonfire tonight with some friends. Actually...would you like to come? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. I told him you were starting school with me today.”

“No...no that’s okay. I should just go in and finish up on homework. I’m not ready to go back to La Push anyway.” I climbed out of the car, hoping she didn’t catch my ‘back’.

She smiled and didn’t appear to have noticed. “Okay well, see you tomorrow, Drifter.” She smirked and pulled away as I waved back at her. I took a deep breath and made my way indoors and upstairs to my room. 

This town was going to take a toll on me...I could only hope I was ready for what was to come. I needed answers, so ready or not I didn’t have a choice.

~~~  
Can you hear me now?

The next few weeks went by pretty quickly. They were uneventful which I would like to say was nice for a change, but it was getting me nowhere. I was getting better at blocking out Edward so he wasn’t able to pry into my thoughts. When I was ready to talk to them they’d know and maybe they could help me.

None of them have bothered me really. I get a few stares now and then and Alice speaks to me in Psych and gym class. It’s mostly about the homework or the task in class at hand but she seems sweet enough. The weather had been nice the last few days and the Cullen’s were all gone. Angela told me it was because the family goes out for camping and activities when it’s nice but I knew better. They couldn’t be seen in the sun. I wondered if they used this time to hunt as well? Obviously, they ate animals if they were still living, their eyes weren’t red and the death rate in this small town wasn’t up to unrealistic proportions.

As I sat down in Psych class I noticed Alice was in attendance. “Hey Alice.” I spoke softly smiling at her. She turned quickly, as if shocked I had spoken to her. 

“Hey Bella.” She smiled back and seemed to focus on me slightly as her eyes glazed over. She went very quiet for about 30 seconds before shaking her head and looking down slightly. “Sorry.” She smiled again and I knew if it was possible, she would have blushed.

I looked at her for a few seconds debating before I spoke, “Alice...could I ask you a favour?” I waited for her response which barely took a second.

“Of course,” She turned in her chair to face me expectantly. I started to wonder if Edward had heard me earlier today when I was mulling over the decision in my mind but his aggravated look told me he still couldn’t.

“I need to talk to you...and perhaps your entire family. Could we meet somewhere private?” As I spoke she was writing down something on a sheet of paper and gently pulled it from her notebook.

“This is my address. Come whenever you are ready. We’ll be there.” She smiled and turned towards the front of the class as the teacher began his lecture.

She was writing as I was asking. She knew what I was asking. Her brother can hear my thoughts...well when I want him to. And she knew what I was asking. Could she read minds? Alice...Alice can you hear me? Dumb. She was effortlessly jotting down the notes as if unaware of me. Maybe she can see the future...I’ve only met one seer...but I suppose anything is possible. I wonder what her trigger is to seeing visions unless she can just look for things of her own free will. Debating over it...I had to try. I needed to know what she was capable of. Reaching into my bag I looked around for a pen. Finding one I took it out and held it. I thought about tossing it over onto her lap. After a few moments, I tossed the pencil towards Alice. I noticed she hadn’t been writing for the last few seconds but was staring off towards the overhead screen. Without skipping a beat her left hand jerked down and caught then pen just before it hit her lap. Smirking, she turned towards me and gave me a full-blown smile as she realised what I had done and nodded her head at me.

After school was over it took some convincing but I was able to talk Angela into letting me walk home. She offered to give me a ride as she was heading back out to see Jacob but I declined telling her I wanted to explore in town a bit and then head home. Being a Friday we didn’t have to worry about homework or school for two days so it would be nice to explore some.

After Angela had gone I walked across the street for a payphone to call a cab. Just as I had begun to dial the numbers a silver Volvo pulled up next to me. Edward was at the wheel with Jasper in the passenger seat and Alice in the back. “If I knew it was tonight I would have just offered you to ride with us rather than giving you the address.” Alice smiled and opened the door, “hop in.”

“Thanks.” I replied as I climbed in back with her and nodded my head to Jasper and Edward. 

“So how do you do it?” Edward asked, looking at me in the rear-view mirror. I started to feel irritated then suddenly felt a wave of calm come over me when I noticed Jasper looking back at me as well.

“Oh, give me a break.” I muttered to myself. “What can Rosalie and Emmett do?” I asked exasperated. I figured the Cullen’s would be able to help me out but I had no idea they each had some extra abilities. As if they needed anymore. 

Alice smirked and giggled slightly at my little outburst and Jasper nodded obviously amused. “She’s perceptive.”

“I’ve been around a while.” I replied. “So, are you going to answer my question?” I asked looking between the three of them as I noticed us pulling up to a very large house. Climbing out, Edward looked at me from over the hood of the car.

“You didn’t answer mine. How do you do it...I could hear you perfectly at first and then off and on when you were building your brick wall but now...nothing. You have to be thinking something.” He stared at me...still trying to figure it out.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I have an idea, but I’m not sure.” I shrugged. I walked over towards Alice and slowly followed her inside. I wasn’t sure why but I felt comforted by her presence. The thought of an entire coven of vampires against me was a scary one but seemed less intense with her near me. I looked towards Jasper and saw him smiling towards me but didn’t feel anything coming from him. It must just be Alice. As we approached their family room I slowed, suddenly more nervous than before. I felt a cool arm slide around my back and edge me forward gently. The smell of honey suckles and a bit of mint hit me and instantly I felt warm inside. I glanced to my left where Alice had taken her spot beside me and was guiding me in to meet her ‘mother and father’. My skin felt stiff where her arm touched me but it no longer felt cool and wasn’t uncomfortable.

“Carlisle, Esme this is Isabella Swan. Bella, this is my ‘mother and father’.” She smiled as I stepped forward and shook Carlisle’s hand. I was a bit taken aback when Esme leaned in for a hug rather than the handshake. 

“Welcome into our home, Isabelle.” Esme greeted me and kept eye contact with me as she said my name. I didn’t have a chance to respond before Carlisle spoke over her shoulder, “Or would you rather us call you Drifter?”

~~~


	4. Isabelle, Drifter, Isabella, who?

\--

 

“How did you...” I stopped short but was staring intently at Esme. It didn’t faze me that Carlisle had called me Drifter...after all I had told the local authorities here that was my name at first. Esme however, knew my true name. It was only after several years of hiding and wondering about that I decided a slight change in my true name was in order if I was to keep myself out of the numerous looming questions about who I was and where I was from. Isabelle Marionette Swan became Isabella Marie Swan the great granddaughter of Charlie and Renee Swan-upstanding citizens of Forks with a slightly tainted reputation despite their excellent community involvement.

Esme sighed and tucked a stray hair behind my ear as she sat on the couch in front of me. I followed her lead and sat across from her on the love seat. Alice was quickly at my side. “Isabelle... there are lots of questions we each have for each other. This is your quest to find yourself, so it’s only fair you should ask of us what you think you need to know.” She spoke softly. She spoke the voice of a mother trying to soothe her child.

My mind was a whirl of questions...thoughts...feelings. They had obviously been around for sometime...but to know of me...to know my true identity...that could only mean they knew my parents. “My mother?” I couldn’t form a complete sentence but seeing Esme’s sad smile I knew she understood what I was asking.

“Renee Swan was a beautiful woman I had the luck to run into years and years ago. It wasn’t long after I myself was changed. You were a blossoming young girl of 14 I believe.” She watched my eyes as if looking to see if any recognition flickered in them. I sat unmoving so she continued. “She was in the company of a man named Demitrius when I met her.” She lowered her head. “You see, shortly after Carlisle changed me to save my life...I went into sort of a denial. I am saddened to say I embraced my inner demon and took off, feeding on humans.” The remorse on her face was genuine and Carlisle placed a hand softly on his wife’s shoulder. “I didn’t want to turn my back on my hunger...it was so overpowering and I felt Carlisle an enemy for trying to keep me from the sated feeling a human’s blood could bring. I was only gone about a week before he found me, but not before I had killed 5 humans. Your mother was almost one of them.”

My eyes widened and I lowered my gaze to the floor. Before I had a chance to say anything she continued.

“Demitrius had a knack for tracking...and sensing our kind. Knowing your mother at the time he felt a danger to her, and stopped me before I had a chance to attack. After calming me down he explained to me about his control over his thirst and my little knowledge of the new life I was living. That was when Carlisle caught up to me. I was able to reign myself in long enough to apologize to your mother before we took our leave. Heading out of Forks I caught scent of your mother again. At least, I thought I had. As we ran through the vast open fields and over a creek bed Carlisle stopped me before we came upon the humans I had smelt. It was you, and another young woman. Elizabeth was her name.”

I shuddered as another memory took hold.

“There is no way for us, is there Isabelle?” Elizabeth trailed her fingers lightly over my hand that was resting next to hers. Her voice was soft and twinged with sadness.

“No, I don’t believe there is. You are to be married next month...and I; well...father knows I do not wish to be forced into a relationship with a man I do not love. He can’t keep me safe forever. I will end up betrothed to Harry Clearwater. They think it will help the relations between our families.” I sighed, Harry was a nice young man but I did not love him. I could not. “I can not disappoint him.”

“We will stay friends, won’t we? We will always have that. And this place.” She smiled softly looking around our meadow. I too glanced around, seeing a patch of strawberries blooming a few feet away.

“Yes, we will always have this place. I only hope that is enough.”

I gripped my stomach as a fierce pain shot through my mid-section. “Bella, are you alright?” It was Alice’s beautiful voice that was pulling me out of my mind and back into the present. “Should I call her Isabelle?” She murmured softly to Esme. I could hear the worry in her tone.

“No.” I replied as I breathed deeply and sat myself up. “I am Bella now...Isabelle is still a part of me but I fear she died long ago.”

Esme shook her head softly, “No. She may be lost...confused and uncertain, but she is very much still alive in you. You only have to find her...to find yourself.”

I wished I could agree with that. As I searched my mind for another question to ask her about my mother I was shocked to feel a slight probing in my head. I felt so weak and quickly jerked my head up to make eye contact with Edward. “Would you please get out of my head?” All his families’ eyes turned towards him and I thought I heard a slight growl coming from Alice.

“You were in love with her.” He stated. Thanks, let’s just open my insides up for the world to see.

I lowered my head. “We were in love, yes. Think what you will of me but you do not know me so do not make assumptions or judgments about my life.”

Alice placed her hand softly on my shoulder and Esme reached for my hand. “Of course, we won’t. It is not our place and who you love should never be point of a speculation.” Esme said and glared at Edward. “Whatever you heard in her mind is not your concern Edward and of all things it shouldn’t be an issue whether it was a female or not.”

“I meant no disrespect; I’m simply trying to understand. I actually didn’t expect to hear anything...the last couple weeks there have been no walls built in her mind but I still haven’t heard anything until now.” He lowered his eyes slightly, “I’m sorry, Bella.”

“It’s fine. I suppose...” I stopped glancing around at the 7 faces looking at me intently. “Actually, I feel a little nervous with all of you here. Would it be offensive for me to ask to just speak with a couple of you?” I looked at Esme when I spoke.

“Of course, not dear.” She glanced around at her ‘children’ and nodded to them. On cue and without question Emmett, Rosalie, Edward and Jasper all stood up and exited the room. Alice hesitated and then squeezed my shoulder gently before standing. I reached out and caught her cool hand.

“Could you stay, Alice?” I requested softly. She looked towards Esme and Carlisle who smiled back at her before turning her attention back to me. “I don’t know why but I feel more at ease when you are near.” I blushed slightly lowering my head.

“Of course, Bella,” she smiled and sat back down beside me. 

I cleared my throat slightly and began the nervous habit of picking at my nails. “I suppose I should start explaining myself...tell you my story before I can hope for you to be able to help me understand. This won’t be easy for me...in all these years I have learned a great deal, and have many ideas as to how and why but nothing is for certain. That’s why I need your help.”

Esme stood quickly, “I’m going to make you some tea Isabelle and then we can begin. We will help you anyway we can.” She smiled and hurried off towards their kitchen.

“It’ll be okay Bella.” Alice whispered softly and gently grabbed my hand. 

I looked at her entwined fingers and felt a shift of impossible warmth flow through me from my new friend. 

I was beginning to wonder if I was opening up more mysteries and questions rather than getting the answers I seek.

I stood up and began a slow pacing back and forth twisting my hands together nervously. “I’m not quite sure how to go about this, so I suppose I will just start at the beginning.” I looked to each of them and after an encouraging smile and nod from each I continued.

“I was born May 17, 1907 right here in Forks to Charlie and Renee Swan. My birth name is Isabelle Marionette Swan. Growing up I always felt a little out of place, as if something about me was different from others, from my family. I had no idea what or why but it was always just a feeling. As a child, I had dreams...I quickly learned to keep them to myself when my family thought me crazy and I feared being sent away with the crazy folks. I had dreams of...the future I suppose you could say. I eventually learned to ignore them, and they went away. But since I can remember I’ve had one that does not leave me...I’ll get to that at another time.”

I took a deep breath, “My family...while considered upstanding citizens and held in great regard...was not as wonderful as people thought. My mother was for lack of a better word, promiscuous. There were rumours every so often that she wasn’t faithful to my father but most people passed it off as jealousy over their loving relationship. They weren’t all rumours. I dreamed she was unfaithful to my father but he forgave her. I only told him the once...I didn’t want to hurt him. However, I heard them argue one night, the night my father wasn’t sure that I was even his. Looking at me it should leave little doubt however. I look a lot like him.”

I made my way back over towards the loveseat and sat back down next to Alice. “Obviously, we know I’m not quite human...but I don’t know what I am or why I am like this. I was born of a human woman but I can only assume one of my mother's infidelities helped make me the way I am.”

“Other than you not aging, are there any other abilities or signs to help us figure this out?” Carlisle asked. He almost seemed excited about the idea of a puzzle to figure out.

“I think maybe it best if I show you.” I reached forward and grabbed the vase from the center of the table. Alice, who had been staring off for a bit suddenly grabbed the vase from my hand. 

“No Bella, don’t try to hurt yourself.” Her eyes seemed panicked. I knew she had seen me break the vase but she must have brought herself out of her vision before she saw its completion.

I smiled at her softly, staring at her golden eyes trying to convey my reassurances to her. “Trust me.” I whispered to her and grabbed the vase and broke it against the table’s edge. Using the broken vase, I jabbed it into my left forearm only to have the remaining piece of glass shatter against me. “Now you see.”

They all stared at me in wonder...not understanding what they were seeing. “Were you turned?” Esme sputtered trying to make sense of it.

“No. I have never been bitten by a vampire...nor have I ever had any other accident other than a few careless stumbles of my own accord that resulted in a scratch or two.” I looked down to my healed palms remembering the last time close to a month ago now.

“Scratches? But how?” This time it was Alice that spoke.

“This may sound crazy but given the world we live in, the countless things I’m sure we all have seen and experienced, try to have an open mind.” I again stood up and resumed my pacing. “The only conclusion I can come up with is that my mother, near the time of my conception was not only with my father, but had also been with a vampire.” I turned looking at their faces. They seemed sceptical yet something was causing them not to speak out and deny the possibility.

“The easiest way to explain this is just to say it. Ever since...I was 17 I noticed the pattern. Something happened that triggered it and it makes no sense and I can’t figure it out...but since...the event happened I seem to be almost like a chameleon. I was born human...or at least close to one. When I happen to be around vampires I tend to take on their traits. I end up being unable to be harmed; my skin gets harder and cooler to the touch. I stop aging. Should I be around humans and not around vampires as much, I begin to age again and I become vulnerable just like any human.” I stopped my pacing and turned to face them.

Carlisle stood and walked towards me. “What you’re saying...I can honestly say I have never dreamed it possible; that a vampire could not only have the strength to mate with a human and not kill them, but to father a child as well. But given your unique situation it’s the only thing that makes sense. What about your appetite?”

“I expected this question. I had been with vampires off and on for the last 85 years. In that time, I learned that if I stayed near them for too long I started to feel the burn in my throat, the longing for blood. I was able to feel it coming and leave for a time. It has allowed me to keep my human side in- tact and not kill as well as keep me from aging so that I could keep searching for any clues to figure out my life...and what happened to my mother. I am actually physically closer to 19 years old. There were a few times the thirst got too much and I stayed away longer...my body aged. Since then I have been able to balance it carefully.” I scratched the back of my neck and sighed. “Coming back to this town could prove helpful to me, but it could prove deadly not only for humans but to you as well.”

“Bella, how is that so? You seem in control of yourself and if you think being around us will cause you to become more like us you can stop it and leave...” Alice began but I was shaking my head.

“That’s not the problem. The true problem, the one that plagues my nightmares I haven’t discussed with you yet. This is the one that could cause you to contemplate destroying me yourselves. I’m putting a lot on the line telling you what I am about to.” I bit my lip and looked directly at Alice. “I don’t know why I feel this connection to you Alice, but despite being a good feeling in my heart, I fear it could end up hurting you and that is something I do not want.”

“I’m afraid we don’t understand Bella, please, what aren’t you telling us?” Carlisle asked, leading me back to sit beside Alice as he returned to his spot at Esme’s side.

“Elizabeth Hadden, the girl you saw me with Esme was my truest friend. Yes, we were in love. Sadly, that love never went further than our 16th birthdays. Almost a year to that day I fled Forks scared beyond belief.” I was wringing my hands harder now and put my head in my hands. Alice stroked my back softly, the warm tingling leaving a path where her hand touched me. 

“Go on Bella, what happened sweetie?” Alice asked. I looked up and searched her eyes. Giving in to faith that they would not abandon me I gave in to my deepest darkest secret.

“I killed her.”

~~~


	5. You always hurt the ones you love- or in my case, kill.

\---

 

The room was silent and I lowered my eyes to the carpet. I felt my jaw clench and didn’t dare look up into their eyes. Perhaps a minute passed before Esme spoke, “Bella…”

I took a slow deliberate breath and swallowed hard, “I killed her. My first love and my only friend…died by my” I swallowed the lump in my throat before getting the word out… “hands.” I stood up again and walked to their window looking out at the moon. I didn’t realize how dark it had gotten. “If it’s possible, worse than knowing I had taken her life…was the look in her eyes as she died beneath my body. Her eyes…” I turned and made eye contact with Alice for the first time since my confession. Her eyes held a compassion and pain in them as she stared back at me. “Her eyes held no blame, no hatred. Even as she took her last breath she looked at me with the purest love. I am a monster you see…she should have seen that. But she did not.”

I braced my hands on the ledge and lowered my head slightly as the memory slammed into me full force. My arms strained as I tried to force it back. I couldn’t relive it now. I couldn’t face the pain. Not now.

“Bella,” Alice whispered and gently placed her hand on my shoulder. I hadn’t realized she had stood and followed me the few steps to the window.

My body started to tense but suddenly relaxed and I lowered my head. I turned to face her and cupped her cheek. “Your eyes are the window to your soul and hers showed me everything I wanted yet everything I feared.” I took a slight breath and gave her a sad smile as we made our way back to the loveseat. As Alice sat back down I kept my stance and looked at each of them intently, “Do you see the monster in my eyes? Because not one but three make its home within me.”

“Oh Gods,” Alice whispered as her golden eyes bore into mine. Esme and Carlisle looked at me as if they were trying to see what Alice saw before glancing back to their daughter hopeful for clarification. “She phased.”

The room was quiet for what seemed like hours before Carlisle spoke.

“Bella…” Carlisle seemed a loss for words, “Alice? Please, help us understand what you mean. She phased?”

Esme stood and slowly approached me, “Surely there’s some mistake…it was an accident Bella…” she sputtered trying to make sense of what Alice had so clearly seen.

Carlisle stood and looked between me and Alice, “Alice, you didn’t have a vision.” He stated more than asked, “And if it were you only see the future. This was 85 years ago.”

I cleared my throat and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “I phased. I was just mere inches,” I stepped closer to Alice who was now standing in front of the couch, “just inches away from her when I exploded into a giant bole coloured wolf.” Alice’s eyes never left mine and she didn’t budge an inch despite being in such a close proximity to me after what I had told them. “So, you see, I’m not human…I’m the very definition of a bastard child.” I smirked and shook my head. “But why?”

Alice grabbed my hand and held it in her own and squeezed softly. Her hands didn’t feel cool to me at all. I smiled at her furrowed brow. “Already?” She whispered and I nodded.

“It’s not near as gradual as it used to be. I’ve been here a few weeks, in classes with you and your siblings,” turning to Carlisle and Esme, “your children, and already I have become more vampire than human. My skin is already hardened and I don’t feel warm to you as I would have when I first got here.”

“Then short times exposed to our kind…over a couple weeks and you begin changing…the longer the exposure,” Carlisle hesitated, “do you think it would become permanent and that you would house all of our abilities as well as weaknesses?”

“I haven’t a clue about the permanence but the abilities and weaknesses yes. Already my speed, reflexes, sense of smell and sight have improved ten-fold. It’s never been this sudden, but I’m thinking that is attributed to the size of your coven as well as daily exposure.”

“Edward can read you as a human…when you aren’t blocking him with your brick building,” Alice smirked at me, “but now that you’re becoming more like us, he can’t. Are you trying?”

I shook my head. “I haven’t actually had to try the last week and a half. The only thing I can think is that as a human, he can read me if I’m open. As I change, the ability to block is no longer a chore its subconscious…a defensive mechanism that the vampire part of me triggers.”

“Isabelle, would you mind if I document this; your past, your present and everything we learn and find out? I find this quite fascinating…” off my slightly pained look he back tracked, “I mean no disrespect, we will help you in any way that we can, I just have never seen nor heard of anything like this in my nearly 400 years and well…” he would have blushed if it were possible, “I love a mystery to solve.”

I nodded my head, “Of course, I’ve had no luck the last 85 years on my own. Whatever you think may help I am open to.”

“Could I speak openly for a moment? I don’t wish to make anyone uncomfortable but if we are trying to figure this out I don’t want to speculate unless it’s out loud.” Esme spoke softly looking between me and Alice. Off my nod and smile she continued, “There’s something you aren’t telling us. Something you don’t understand but are afraid what it might mean.” She stopped, “I’m saying this all wrong, I just think that there is something between you and our Alice,” she smiled softly as she took Alice’s hand in her own, “And that something could open up a whole new book of questions but could also answer much if it is explored.”

I may have been turning more into a vampire than a human but there was still blood in my veins and my heart was still beating so I noticed the way every eye turned to me when my heart sped up and the blood flushed in my cheeks. “You aren’t wrong, Esme.” I bit my lip slightly and glanced just briefly at Alice to see a somewhat shocked yet expectant curious look on her face. “You see, since I met Alice I have felt a pull towards her. I can’t explain that. I haven’t had that happen to me at all since that night.”

“You felt the pull with Elizabeth…the pull of love?” Esme prodded gently.

“More than that. It wasn’t just her I felt pulling at my entire being that night. The pull from her was our love, yes, but the pull that came after was controlling. Or it was trying to be. The voices were so dominating it was as if I were being screamed at from a distance yet inside me all at the same time.” I scrunched my eyebrows and scratched my head. “There were so many…”

“The pack mind.” Carlisle said simply and I looked to him expectantly. He seemed shocked “The werewolves that were in La Push back in that time. When you phased Bella, they became aware. They were calling to you and you felt the pull their Alpha must have had on you as a new werewolf. You weren’t aware of that?”

I shook my head as my thoughts whirled out of control, “I thought I was being hunted, chased, that someone had seen…” I began pacing again before becoming completely still, “when I phased they could hear me as clearly as I could hear them?” Carlisle nodded, “Oh dear lord they had to have known what I had done!”

“I’m sure they did but they wanted to help you. You can’t be blamed for what happened Bella. There’s no way you could have known what was happening to you. I am curious about what caused the change? Had there been a full moon?” Carlisle asked and I knew there was more to his question.

“It was the first night so not completely full no. I…” I shrugged, “We had an argument. She was to be married and though neither of us wanted it, she was trying to convince me that I would find someone better suited and that she would always love me but we couldn’t make it work once she was wed. I was so hurt, so angry and before I could even speak she was lying beneath me and I was covered in her blood. I knew I hadn’t hurt her but there was no other explanation.”

Alice shook her head and cupped my cheek, “You didn’t hurt her on purpose. You didn’t attack her Bella. The phasing is such a sudden and violent changing of your body that anything too close…” She didn’t finish her sentence and I felt her swipe her thumb across my cheek, “these still work.” She whispered sadly.

I snorted slightly and sniffled, “I’m sorry I must look a mess.”

“You look beautiful.” Alice smiled and pulled me into a tight embrace. I melted into her warm arms. I laughed in my head at the thought of a vampire being warm but she was. I only hoped I didn’t hurt her or her family the way I had Elizabeth. I couldn’t stand to hurt her even though I had only known her a few weeks. “You won’t.” She whispered and I straightened out of the hug and looked at her with wide eyes.

“What?” I turned to look behind me and it was apparent Carlisle and Esme were as confused as I was. “What did you say?”

Alice furrowed her brow and tilted her head slightly to look at me, “I said you won’t. You said you couldn’t stand it if you hurt me or my family.”

I shook my head trying to understand. I didn’t speak out loud, did I?

“Alice,” Carlisle began before Esme cut him off, “Alice Bella didn’t say anything.”

Alice laughed and looked between all of us, “Okay you guys I am not crazy.” She looked at me again and back at her ‘parents’, “Am I?”

“You…you heard me. You heard my thoughts.” I barely got out, confused at this new turn.

“Edward hears thoughts, I see the future. You really didn’t say that out loud?” She asked for clarification.

I shook my head and Carlisle spoke, “Is it possible you had a vision of Bella saying that to you, Alice?”

“You know my visions don’t work that way. I would have zoned out at least somewhat and I didn’t go anywhere. I swear I heard her whisper that to me.” She turned and looked at me, never dropping our laced fingers, “what are we, Isabella?”

I swallowed hard and bit my lip, “I don’t know Alice, but despite my messed-up life you don’t have to be anything but a friend, if you wish to be that.” I reassured her and gave her hands a squeeze. “I hate to cut this short but I should probably get back before Karen gets worried.”

“Bella before you go, I do have one final question.” Carlisle stepped forward, following Alice and I to the door. “Have you phased much since that night?”

“Not once. But then, I hadn’t been exposed to any werewolves. Well, at least not that I know of.” I grabbed my jacket that Alice had retrieved for me and put it over my arm. I wasn’t feeling cold anymore lately. “Thank you and if you have any more questions or any information you think might help me out, at least to find out what happened to my mother please, call me?”

“Of course, Bella” Esme whispered, “Please let Alice drive you home at least?”

“I don’t want to be a bother, it’s not like anything can hurt me right now anyway.” I smiled and opened the right side of the large double doors.

“Please? I really don’t mind. And there are werewolves in La Push. We have a boundary line but it would make me feel better.” Alice begged and waved her keys.

What could I do but nod and smile. I wished Carlisle and Esme a good night and headed out into the darkness with the magnetic pulling pixie at my side.

 

~_~_~_~_~


	6. Reassurance

...

  


“Alright, how many werewolves in La Push?” I asked bewildered. Two weeks had gone by since my confession. We hadn’t figured out much more but the Cullen’s were helping with any sources they could for information about my mother and hopefully me. “And my friend Angela…her boyfriend Jacob is one? Does she know this?”

“We aren’t sure on the exact number but at least four. And yes, I believe your friend would know especially if he has imprinted on her which seems likely given their close nature. Obviously they aren’t aware of your uniqueness.” Carlisle walked around his desk and sat on the edge looking at me sincerely, “As you now know of our treaty with the Quileute’s we do help each other out from time to time with a rogue vampire but we stay very strict on our boundaries and rules. We only wish to live in peace with them.”

“And you’re positive they aren’t the same men…” I trailed off as I knew Carlisle understood my questions. They weren’t the same men that had chased after me and had known what I had done that fateful night I left Forks. “Imprinted?” I asked suddenly not understanding the term.

“Not the same, no. But as each generation of wolves arise, the memories of the past are passed down to the sons, so that they would know of your history here. It’s possible they already do if any of them have seen you about. And to answer your second question, the werewolves do what is called imprinting on their future mates; or soul mates if you will. For humans, you might see it as a love at first sight or just…a trigger. The wolves feel that intense heat in a slightly different manner but it effectively binds the two together. Therefore, there would be no secrets between them.” He studied me, waiting for my reaction. I kept still, soaking it all in. “She cares about you, you know.” He stated simply.

“Who?” I asked although I had a pretty good idea of whom he was referring to. _Alice_.

“Alice.” He smiled sincerely, “I know you two have become good friends and of course she is trying to help you as much as she can with her own gift but more than that…she seems happier.”

I stared at him for a moment, almost feeling child like in the face of my best friends’ father, “I too am happier. I just hope she doesn’t think odd of me. Of the situation. I’m sure making a new friend is great she seems very people oriented,” I smiled thinking of the bubbly young woman, “but it has to be strange knowing that I feel something towards her, perhaps even to make her uncomfortable or feel forced into a friendship she may or may not have wanted.”

Carlisle tilted his head slightly, “Does she seem uncomfortable around you or like fate is dealing her a hand she didn’t ask for?”

I thought sincerely about his question. Alice had never seemed put off or acted any different around me. In fact, we had spoken about what I had confided to them during our first meeting. The pull I felt. Alice had admitted that she too felt it towards me. Surely if it was something she wanted nothing to do with or felt obligated with she would say so and distance herself from me. Right? “No, she doesn’t.”

Carlisle stood and glanced at the door briefly before smiling and clasping his hands. I too glanced briefly as I heard soft footsteps approaching. “Rest assured Bella; Alice is very strong willed and strong minded. She won’t do anything she doesn’t want to do.”

I nodded and smiled back as Alice peeked her head inside after knocking softly. “Sorry to interrupt but Karen called asking if you would be home for dinner. I hope you don’t mind, Bella, but I asked her if you could spend the weekend with me.” She bit her lip slightly, “I told her I was making you go shopping with me!”

I couldn’t help but laugh and nod my head, “That’s fine Alice, but do you really plan to make me shop?”

She smiled brightly and her laugh sounded like soft musical bells drifting around me. I was quickly falling in love with the soft tinkling laugh that so often fell from her lips.

Alice’s smile beamed as her eyes widened slightly and she cast a quick glance to Carlisle. I looked back to the doctor only to see him looking at Alice curiously. “Alice?” He asked as she turned back to me shaking her head.

“Nothing sorry, uh, no we don’t have to. I just thought that maybe being here we could do some more brain-storming and have some best friend time if that’s alright with you.” She uncharacteristically cleared her throat and seemed a bit nervous.

“Of course, I’d love to spend the weekend with you.” I smiled at her upon seeing her face light up at my response. _Oh Alice, whatever are you doing to me?_ I thought as my heart picked up its pace seeing the light shine in her golden eyes. Looking at her she seemed to almost smirk at me with a look of understanding.

“Come on Bella, I think we have lots to talk about. See you later Carlisle.” She called out as she grabbed my hand and we made our way to the open office window.

Did I mention we were on the second floor? “Alice?”

“Oh, come on Bella,” she giggled and tapped on my hardened skin, “Live a little.” She laughed out loud before stepping off the ledge with me right next to her. After 85 years of drifting by how could I argue with that?

We ran to where should have taken us a few hours by car in less than twenty minutes. The speed was exhilarating as we ran, hand in hand through the trees, jumping over creeks and laughing all the while. We finally slowed once we reached a small cliff over-looking the ocean. The waves crashing upon the rocks were beautiful and the evening was quiet and still. It was easy to tell this was a place Alice must come to often as there were no trails or camp areas in sight for humans. “Thinking rock?” I asked as we sat down on a small rock ledge where we could slightly feel the mist of the ocean as it crashed below us.

“Yeah.” She smiled and pulled me down to sit beside her, “I come here quite often to think, try to force a vision, or just to be. There’s no brother prodding into my head, no one trying to settle my emotions if they are worried, scared or angry. I’m just me here.”

I smiled and nodded in understanding. “That’s what the strawberry patch meadow was for me and Elizabeth.” I whispered softly, looking just out from under the veil of my hair. “Alice, can I ask you something and answer me honestly please?”

“Of course, Bella. I don’t feel that I could ever lie to you, even if I had to.” She answered and turned slightly to show I had her full attention.

I licked my lips and took a slow deep breath, “When I compare certain things in my past with Elizabeth to now, in relation to you or our friendship, does it bother you in any way at all?”

Alice was quiet for a moment before speaking, “No. If you want me to be completely honest, I’d have to say it makes me feel like I’ve never felt before…and it scares me.”

She raised her finger to my lips to silence me before I had a chance to ask her what she meant and continued, “Bella, I had visions of a lost young woman coming to Forks. My family would befriend her and help her on her journey to find herself. I never actually _saw_ you; or rather I never saw your face. But I know in my heart it was you. I know you worry that what you feel what we feel will be questioned by if it’s our choice or something forcing our hands but don’t. As Carlisle said I won’t do or be anything to anyone that I don’t want to be, and I know you wouldn’t either.”

I nodded and smiled softly, “And it scares you?” I asked as I played with her pinkie finger.

She laced her fingers with mine before speaking, “It scares me, because despite knowing how great we could and would be together…” my breath hitched at her words, “I know you’re still in pain over Elizabeth and I would never dream of trying to replace her in your heart.”

“She will always be there and no one could take her place.” I replied truthfully and Alice nodded her head, “However, I have a big heart and a lot of space in it that needs filling,” I whispered. “Do you have room for me too?”

Alice’s eyes shined with unshed tears, “More than you can imagine.” She squeezed my hand softly as I leaned towards her cupping her snow-white cheek. “Isabella,” she whispered as our lips met in a tentative and soft kiss. Despite both of our bodies cool temperatures our lips felt like fire pressed together. We didn’t deepen it, just simply allowed our lips to dance across each other before pulling back slowly.

Resting my forehead against hers I smiled and leaned back just far enough to look into her darkened golden eyes, “Bet you didn’t see that one coming did you Seer?”

She smirked at me and pulled me closer by the back of my neck, “No but I’m anticipating this one, Drifter,” she grinned and captured my willing lips once again.

I may not yet have found out any meaning to my existence in this world, but with Alice Cullen at my side I was ready to make a place for myself in it.

~_~_~_~

The last two weeks have been relatively normal. I snorted at myself. Defining my very existence as normal seemed idiotic.

The Cullen’s had been reaching out to any and every contact they had trying to find out what happened with my mother and the vampire Demitrius she had been with all those years ago. For all we knew, he was 1/3 of my father material. Sometimes I feel like I should be on that Jerry Springer talk show Jessica is always rambling about at lunch. I could see it now, ` _Yes that’s right, I`m here today to find out what other two men are my fathers._ ` Maybe the paternity test thing was Maury. Regardless, I would have to say my life is seriously talk show material.

"What are you thinking about?” Alice asked softly. I was surprised she hadn’t heard that, then again, she only seemed to hear it when it was directly about or to her.

We were sitting at the Cullen lunch table. I liked to split my time between my vampire friends and my human friends. On the days I sat with Angela and the other humans, Alice would sit with me. Everyone was starting to warm up to her, and how could they not? I smiled in thought looking at the stunning woman beside me. “You.” I answered honestly and smiled when she ducked her head shyly. The entire table gave a round of ‘Awwws’ and I couldn’t help but chuckle. For the first time in nearly 85 years I felt truly happy again. Every one of the Cullen’s had been very receptive to me as well as to the growing bond between Alice and I. No one spoke openly about it so much as just slight nods and smirks so I knew they would be supportive regardless of which way our lives took us.

I happened to glance up at that moment when I heard my name. Angela was responding to a question from Jessica asking if Alice and I were a couple. Angela was eyeing me curiously and turned away when she noticed I was paying attention. Of course, she couldn’t know I could hear her, could she? Then again, her boyfriend is a werewolf, so it’s possible they had no secrets from each other, which meant she knew what the Cullen’s were. And then it dawned on me, she might know what I am too. Or enough. I swallowed and looked away but not before I heard Angela’s reply, “I’m not sure but it certainly appears so.”

Rosalie growled too quietly for any human to hear, but nailed Jessica in her spot with a death glare. I too heard Jessica’s, ‘oh...ew’ comment but chose to ignore it. Some people will never grow up. I’m certainly glad Rose and I hit it off. I would never want to be on her bad side. “No, you sure wouldn’t.” Alice replied and smirked at Rose who looked at her curiously. Everyone looked at Alice with a raised eyebrow, “Okay we really have to figure this out. I feel like Edward only wondering if I’m answering your thoughts or your actual words.” Alice feigned being irritated which only made her look cuter. “Thank you.” She turned her attention back to me and let out an exasperated sigh. “I did it again, didn’t I? I swear unless I see your lips move I’ll never know for sure.” She paused and laced her fingers with mine under the table, “Not that I mind that...” she trailed off.

“You two are just adorable.” Emmett grinned, wrapping his arm around Rose.   “I have to admit, I’m kinda jealous. It would be awesome to have like a private walkie talkie here with Rose.” He squeezed her shoulder for emphasis. “Well, except from Edward I guess.”

“Now that Bella is more vampire than human,” Edward started in a voice only our table could hear, “I haven’t been able to hear her. However, I can still hear every thought in everyone else’s mind. Except Alice’s.” We all looked at him confused. “I mean, I can still hear you Alice, but anytime Bella thinks something only for you, I don’t hear it even as it enters your mind. It’s like her thoughts are encrypted even once they are in your head.”

“Wow, so it may be one sided but we can have a private conversation without you butting in or an accidental eaves drop.” Alice clarified. She smirked and I smiled back at her.

“Yeah me too. Could come in very handy.” Everyone looked at me like I had a second head. Including Alice. I stared into her eyes concentrating on my thoughts. _You can still hear me, right? Try responding only with your mind. Don’t speak._

_Oh, my god, Bella. Loud and clear, if I wasn’t looking right at you, your lips...I would swear you were talking right into my ear._ Our entwined fingers tightened.

It took Jasper and Edward clearing their throats to get our attention. Normally the first ones out of the cafeteria when the bell rang, we were now the last. “I think it’s best if we all go directly home and speak to Carlisle after school.” Jasper said.

We all nodded and headed towards one of our last three classes of the day. _This keeps getting stranger and stranger._

_Tell me about it._ I smirked towards Alice hearing her thoughts just as she had heard mine. Clasping her hand, I escorted her to our next class. Despite the enhanced senses vampires possess, I was completely unaware of the set of eyes that watched us and then headed out the cafeteria door towards the parking lot.

 


	7. Mind Melding

 

.

 

“Interesting...very interesting.”  Carlisle paced his office before coming to sit on the corner of his desk.  “So now you can both speak to each other telepathically.”  He stated rather than asked.  “While there are many talents vampires possess this one I have only heard of in a few rare cases.  Only two of the three were vampires.”

 

“What happened in those cases and who were the third?  Human or werewolf?”  I asked as Esme came in with a glass of lemonade for me.  I smiled and took it taking a small drink.  I hadn’t said anything to them but I had been eating and drinking a lot less and was beginning to feel a burn in my throat.  The thirst was returning.  I’d have to talk to Alice about it later.  I only felt comfortable confiding in her about this first and maybe she would take me hunting.  _You know I will._   She thought to me and squeezed my hand.  I smiled in return and focused my attention back to Carlisle.

 

“The first two yes are vampires.  One pair of mates live with the Amazonian vampires.  They too are both female.”  He smiled lovingly between us and Esme.  The second pair are actually Volturi guard members.  You’ve met them once before Alice.  Caius and Felix.  Again, a same sex couple.” 

 

“And the last, the ones that aren’t vampires?”  Alice asked before I had a chance to ask the question myself.  “What about them?”

 

“They are indeed werewolves.  Two members of our Quileute pack in fact.”  He sighed and stood up.  “I owe you two an apology.  This isn’t information I’ve just recently come by.  I wanted to wait, to test and see if yours too would develop as the others had.  They all began one sided and came full circle.  The vampires a bit differently than the werewolves but still the same end result.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell us, why did you want to wait?”  I asked, still confused as to what this meant, if anything.

 

Carlisle rubbed his forehead slightly and looked down briefly.  “The reason was mostly my curiousness as to how it would turn out, and for that I am sorry.  Allow me to better explain what I know, then you can ask any questions you need and I will answer to the best of my ability.”  Seeing our nod of consent, he continued.  “I learned of Caius and Felix during my short stay with the Volturi when I was very young.  It wasn’t uncommon then for two men to be together but what was uncommon was that at the time, was that Felix was human.  Felix could hear the thoughts Caius thought to him, but couldn’t respond in kind until after he was changed.  You see, Caius changed Felix in order for them to have eternity together.  It was then the ability came full circle.  The same thing happened with Kachiri and Zafrina.  Zafrina changed Kachiri to be her mate, and then Kachiri too could pass her thoughts on to Zafrina telepathically.”

 

“So in both instances this gift wasn’t brought forth until the other mate was changed.”  I started thinking rapidly now.  “It was as if it was the bonding the changing from human to vampire for the sake of eternal love bonded them in such a way they were able to link their minds as one.”  It was a statement but just as much as a question in my mind.  “So then with us, how?”  I stopped, confused again, “is it because I’m turning into a vampire?”

 

Carlisle shook his head, “I don’t believe it is, Bella.  I think...”  He hesitated as if trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say.  _Imprinting..._

 

“What?”  I turned to look at Alice as I heard the thought enter her mind.  “Oh.  OH!  I...I didn’t mean to, I...”  I was rambling and glanced around the room quickly before landing my eyes back on Alice’s.  _I didn’t know I could. I didn’t want to take the choice away from you._   I thought to her, a wave of sadness swept through me thinking I could have taken away her chance to choose and to fall in love with whoever she wanted. 

 

_You didn’t, so stop thinking that way.  You are who I’ve chosen, Bella._   Alice stared at me intently before turning back to her father and mother.  “Because she’s imprinted on me and chosen me as her mate, I can now pass my thoughts back to her?”

 

Esme smiled and lit up the room.  “Oh, my girls! This is terrific news!”  She beamed and I blushed slightly with what little part of humanity was still able to blush.

 

Carlisle laughed softly before answering Alice, “I think it’s more than that.  A huge part yes, of course, but I think perhaps it was not only the imprinting, but Bella’s choice to stay with you, regardless of what the end result of her physically would be.  Isn’t that right, Bella?”

 

Alice looked to me with a slight frown.  “What’s he talking about?”  _What aren’t you telling me?_

 

I licked my lips and cupped her cheek.  “I talked with Carlisle while you were out hunting last week about my transformation becoming permanent.  We still aren’t sure where it stands, but I confided in him that regardless of whether or not it would be permanent, me being a vampire that is, that I would take it happily if it meant I got to spend eternity with you.”  _My only fear is that if it isn’t permanent, I don’t want to age and leave you.  Therefore, I was discussing my options, if I could be turned given my heritage and what I am._   I lowered my eyes briefly.

 

“Oh Bella...”  Alice enveloped me in a bone crushing hug and I relaxed into her, hugging her back just as tightly.  _We’ll figure it out, we will._

 

“I know.”  I smiled warmly.  Looking to her parents I couldn’t help but smirk at their loving smiles.  You would think they had just won the lottery.  “I’m so glad you approve and thank you, for the information Carlisle.  It helps explain quite a lot.”  It was then that my mind jumped at me that I was forgetting something.  “Wait...what about the werewolves?”

 

“I only know about the pack members due to Edward’s mind reading ability.  I’m not sure they are aware we know.  During one of our last coven/pack meeting Edward took notice of Embry and Quil, two of the more recent members and their train of thoughts.  It was then he realized they were a couple.  However, as Edward explained to you, he couldn’t hear their thoughts when it appeared they were thinking to each other.  After he told me that, it all made perfect sense as that’s how it was with the vampire mates.”

 

“Do you find it strange that the only cases of this happening have only been with same sex couples?”  I asked.

 

“Strange, no.  More uniquely obvious.  It’s love, pure and untainted.  Regardless of gender, race, species.  I think it accelerated an already steel tight bond.”

 

“Wow.”  Alice and I both replied at the same time and both chuckled softly.  “Well, thank you again, both of you.”  I said looking at the two older vampires.  “Your entire family has been very welcoming and helpful to me and that is very much appreciated.”

 

“No need to thank us Bella.  It’s our pleasure.”  Esme replied and wrapped her arm around her husband. 

 

“Come on Bella, let’s go for a run before you have to get back to check in with Karen.”  Alice grabbed my arm and like each time we leave the house, dropped down from the upstairs window.  We took off running holding hands and smiling all the way. 

 

We made our way back to Alice’s ‘thinking rock’ as I had now named it and sat staring out at the ocean.  I stretched out and rested my head in her lap as she slowly dragged her fingers through my hair.  I closed my eyes, the action calming me.  _What are you thinking about, Isabella?_   I smiled knowing she was talking to me without speaking.  I could still hear her beautiful musical voice and it made my slow beating heart flutter a bit faster.

 

_I’m thinking about how nice that feels.  I can’t believe I’ve found you...that we’re together, here.  As I said before, I don’t want you to feel pushed into anything and before you argue I know you don’t but I can’t help but feel some of it is kind of forced upon you.  I just hope you know that you can be honest with me, always and I’ll never think any less of you.  I just want, no, I need you in my life Alice.  In any way you want to be in it._

Her hand trailed down my face and rested over my heart that was beating slower and slower each day.  I opened my eyes and looked into her darkening gold.  _I need you in my life as well. In every way.  When you’re ready.  When we are both ready._   She smiled and leaned down to brush her lips softly over mine.  I sighed out loud at the sensation.  I felt buzzed with her presence.  It was then I heard it, a beating heart just past the tree line to our left.  _You need to hunt._

 

I nodded my head and swallowed the burn I was feeling.  I knew it was now or never.  I couldn’t risk hurting a human.  It was time to start living the vegetarian vampire lifestyle.  I smirked.  We both leapt up and took off running towards the woods.   I crouched and stopped breathing when I came upon a shaggy elk.  He raised his head, sniffing, ears alert at the sense of danger.  Before he had a chance to clear the creek bed half a mile further into the woods I let my senses take over and leapt onto him, sinking my teeth into his neck and holding his body to the forest floor as I drank my fill.  The blood wasn’t sweet but there was something in it I craved.  It was rich and it was soothing the burn.  The elk stopped twitching as his heart stopped and I let his head and neck drop to the ground.  I felt a bit of remorse looking at the corpse but Alice was at my side in an instant with her hand at my lower back.  _The guilty feeling will pass Bella._   I nodded and looked into her bright gold eyes.  Peering behind her I saw that she too had landed another Elk.  I hadn’t noticed the second one.  I’ll have to hone in on my senses better in the future.  The thought no more left my head before I sniffed and felt a tremble go through my body.

 

_Alice_ _...do you smell that?_   I asked when I caught the scent of wolf in the air.  Alice had already grabbed my hand and began running us back towards the tree line.  _What’s wrong?  They can’t attack us._

 

_No, they shouldn’t but listen, its running fast and we’re close to the boundary line.  Better safe than sorry.  The young ones can be unpredictable._   And we ran. We got back to the edge of the cliff when a voice rang out.  “STOP!”

 

I turned to see a half naked man and a young woman came out of the trees slowly.  “A little close to the boundary aren’t you leaches?!” He sneered and I could see his body was trembling.  He looked to me as I was looking behind him, recognition dawning on me.  Angela.  This must be Jacob then.  He took notice of my look to his mate, “What are you looking at leech, I asked you two a question!”

 

“We didn’t pass the boundary but I am sorry we were too close.  We meant no harm.”  Alice spoke softly yet confidently trying not to anger him.  I wondered if he was a young one as well?  _Yes,_ Alice answered for me.

 

He looked at me curiously then back to Alice. That’s when he swung back to look at Angela when he heard her say my name.  “What?”  He looked back at me and then glared at Alice.  “Did you bite a human?!” He roared and before my eyes the shaking got terribly violent before a russet coloured wolf exploded from his human form and he began charging across the open clearing towards Alice.

 

“NO!”  I screamed and felt myself enveloped into a white-hot heat.  The surge in my chest was so painful I nearly screamed out in agony before it ended and I placed myself in front of Alice and snarled angrily at the wolf before me.  It was then I noticed we were eye to eye and the shocked look on his face would have been comical for an enormous wolf had the situation been different.  _Back away from her now!_   I roared in my head at him. 

 

_How...how is this possible?  What are you?_   He yelled at me, confused.  It was then his thoughts were flying through his head, and in turn through mine.  I was seeing his thoughts, memories, past life memories and I froze when I heard myself growl when he found what he was looking for.  After all the sifting through his pack’s past memories of the last 100 years in what was only a few seconds he confirmed what had once been known.  He saw my former life, the very woman I had once loved and killed as if he were living it himself.  _You._   Without another thought he spun on his heels and headed back towards the trees only slowing to allow Angela to climb on his back before they disappeared into the cover of the woods.

 

My body was still trembling as I replayed the past over and over, now fresh in my mind thanks to Jacob’s memories of his ancestors.  I looked down at my...paws.  As I stared at them I swore I saw blood.  The red, thick liquid oozing from my fur and as I looked down further I saw Elizabeth beneath them, covered in her own blood looking at me with love and forgiveness as I heard her whisper, ‘Isabelle’ before her eyes closed for the last time.  I was lost in that memory. No, I was there again.  It was happening again.  I was killing her over and over again in my mind and the agony was too much.  My chest wanted to explode and I wanted to let it.  _No...NO Bella, do NOT think like that!  Do you hear me?  Please Bella, please...look at me!_   It was then I felt it, the constant rubbing of my face, my muzzle and my ears.  I shook my enormous head until I could raise my eyes to hers.  _Bella..._

 

_Alice_ _..._   I whimpered in my mind.  My knees went week and I felt all four of my legs buckle under my weight and I collapsed to the cool damp earth.  _Alice, it hurts...so much._   I pleaded to her.  The pain was searing.  I felt as if my heart were being ripped out, my insides were burning.  It wasn’t like the fire burn from before. It was the burning you get when you’re so cold you’re nearly numb.  Freezer-burn was the only term that made sense for how I was feeling.

 

_Bella...honey concentrate.  Please, you have to try and breathe. Relax.  I need you to for me okay?  I need you to phase back.  I don’t know what’s happening but it’s hurting you Bella, this isn’t right.  The vampire part of you and the werewolf, I don’t think they can co-exist.  Please Bella, I can’t lose you._

 

I tried to slow my breathing, to lose myself in the sound of her voice, the feel of her cool hands and lips as she rubbed and kissed my face and paws.  The tremble was lessening but the burn, the pain.  _I’m trying Alice...please don’t leave me._

_Never Bella.  Never. I-I can feel this...you.  Only a bit of what you are feeling but it’s damn near unbearable.  Please just stay with me. Focus on me.  I’m right here._

 

So, that’s what I did. For three hours.  I concentrated on the feel, sound and smell of Alice Cullen.  My best friend, my soul mate.  _I love you, Alice._

 

I heard her sigh and swallow as she wrapped her arm around my neck so that my head could rest on her chest, holding me close.  _I love you, Isabelle...my Bella._   And with that, the pain subsided and suddenly I was myself again, shivering, naked and wrapped in her eternal arms with my face buried in her neck.

 

**_Home._ **

 

 

~_~_~_~


	8. Sometimes Strengths are your Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more of Bella's life unfolds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quick update for you. This story was originally written and posted back in 2009 and I decided to repost it here. I know the writing is different from how I write now, hopefully now it is better lol. So please excuse it if there are mistakes I missed, or if you find the writing horrible. I like to think I've grown since then, but I'm not putting energy into re-writing and re-constructing this fic. lol

 

As I lay there shivering in Alice’s arms I couldn’t stop the repeated visions of my past flashing through my mind.  I’m not sure how long we had been there, but the morning sun was just beginning to rise so it had obviously been all night.  I buried my face deeper into her neck breathing in her soothing scent deeply. 

 

_“Isabelle, are you alright?  You’re shaking. How can you possibly be cold?”  Elizabeth wrapped her arms around me gently, hugging me close.  “Come, we should get back.”  She sighed and I could see the unshed tears in her eyes.  “Best to get this over with rather than draw it out any longer.”  They way she said it, so matter of fact, caused a violent shudder to rip through me.  I felt sick, physically ill at what was happening._

_“Is it really this easy for you?  To walk away from me. From us?”  I whispered, pained.  The pain was so much.  My insides felt as if they were on fire and my body wanted to explode.  I was hot, sweating and shaking.  Is this what a broken heart feels like?_

_“Of course, not!”  She cried, “How can you ask me that?  It’s the only choice we have; I just have to be the one to make it.”  She sniffed and turned my face to look at her.  “We have to get you home, you aren’t well.  You must be coming down ill.”_

_I pulled away when she grabbed my arm to lead me back to town, “No.  You go.  I’ll come back when I’m ready.”  I turned and walked a few steps away from her, breathing deeply.  I desperately wanted to just collapse and scream.  Scream out my pain until I was no longer able to speak at all._

_“Isabelle really you are sick.  We must get back and get you seen to.  What will our mothers think if I go back alone and for you to come back later sick?  Now please, let’s not make this any harder than it already is.”  She started walking towards me but paused when I held my hand up for her to stop._

_“Please...I can’t.”  I sobbed, dropping to my knees.  “I don’t think I can handle this. I can’t go on pretending I don’t love you and I can’t act as if we’re nothing more than friends!”  I could barely breathe.  The tremors were growing more and more violent as the sweat rolled down my face.  I felt the need to vomit but before I could I was quickly on my feet and pulled her into my arms.  “Tell me you don’t love me,” I screamed at her, “tell me you don’t love me and I’ll walk away.”  I grabbed onto her shoulders and pulled her into me, pressing my lips firmly against hers._

_My Elizabeth melted into me right away, kissing me back.  After only a few short moments I felt her stiffen and push me back, staggering back to put a mere foot of space between us.  “Isabelle, I can’t.  We can’t.”  She looked up into my eyes, bit her lip and her broken words lied right to my face.  “I don’t love you anymore.”_

_My breath was ragged; the world began to spin around me.  I felt off balance as the intense heat hammered my chest, knocking the air from my lungs.  I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t breathe but it was when I felt her hands grip my shoulders that I realized I was screaming in agony.  Part of me knew she was scared, that she was trying to talk to me, to get me to come back from this horrid place in my mind but I couldn’t.  As I raised my eyes from her moving lips to which I heard no sound, to her eyes that were boring into mine a new scream sounded from my lips as I felt myself being split into two as I slammed my eyes shut and grit my teeth._

_I heaved as I struggled to catch my breath and open my eyes.  Elizabeth was lying on the soft grass, gasping violently, struggling for breath.  Her eyes were wide as she looked at me, her hand locked into the thick hair on my neck.  That’s when I looked down, seeing her covered in blood.  Five long vicious claw marks trailed down her neck, her chest and to her hip in a disgusting diagonal line.  Blood seeped from the wounds, covering my paws that were on either side of her small fragile frame.  Her hand trailed up further to the side of my face, holding it gently.  Looking into my eyes she showed me the truth, that she did love me and opened her lips slightly, “Isabelle,” she started, and then closed her eyes and her body lay still._

_I rubbed my nose along her cheek, trying to rouse her though I knew it was a futile effort.  Slinking back away from her body that I had destroyed I raised my head to the night sky and let out a blood curdling howl._

 

I moaned into her neck, the violent shaking returning as I hugged her impossibly close to me.  I didn’t care that I was lying naked in my new loves arms remembering the death, no, the _murder_ of my last.  I was trying to recover myself but the pain just kept coming in waves until I knew I had to relive it again, to share it with the one, the only one that could possibly help me to finally move on. 

 

Her arms tightened around me and she placed several soft kisses along my cheek and neck.  _Bella...I’m here.  Thank you for sharing that with me.  I know it wasn’t easy.  I could feel your pain, through your thoughts.  I’m so sorry you had to go through that and that you’re still going through it.  It wasn’t your fault; you didn’t hurt her on purpose.  You know that, and she knew that.  I know you blame yourself, maybe even hate yourself for it but deep down, you love her and you **never** meant to hurt her._

I sighed and pulled my head out of her neck just enough to make eye contact with her.  I saw the love and the worry reflected in her gorgeous gold eyes.  _I did love her and part of me always will.  She was my first love, but you are my true love.  You are my eternal soul mate.  You know that, don’t you?_   I cupped her smooth cheek in my hand, stroking gently.

 

_Of course, I do.  I never expect you to forget her or to stop loving her.  I had a first love._   She smiled down at me softly, _I know how it feels and I know that although you move on, you never stop loving them and you never forget.  It’s a part of what makes us who we are._   She leaned down and ever so slowly pressed her cool lips to mine. 

 

I knew she was being deliberately slow, giving me a chance to pull away if I needed to.  I whimpered into her kiss and sighed at the feel of her fingers trailing down my naked side leaving a trail of goose bumps.  _Oh, geeze that’s right, I’m naked._

 

Alice smirked into our kiss and pulled back slightly, “Yes you are.”  She purred and I giggled softly.  “You’re beautiful Bella.”

 

I took a small breath and smiled back, “Thank you.”  I swallowed, having not spoken in the last 12 hours, “But you are the rare beauty in this dark world.”  I lowered my eyes and played with her fingers, “The only light in _my_ dark world,” I whispered.

 

“Then we’re a perfect match because I’ve never seen the sun this bright until you came along.”  She smiled and looked up as the sun slowly made its way above us into the sky.  I heard her gasp softly before smiling down at me.  “Looks like this works too.” 

 

I knew to expect the shimmer of sparkles that graced her features in the sunlight but was shocked to see that my own bare body was glistening as well.  “This has never happened. I hadn’t let it go so long but I always kind of wondered.”  I turned my hands over looking intently at them trying to find the source of each tiny diamond that seemed to be embedded into my skin.

 

“Absolutely gorgeous,” Alice whispered and pressed her lips softly to mine once more before pulling back.  It was then I noticed her eyes had a faraway look and a slight cloudy haze covered the brightness in her eyes.  “We need to get back. Karen called Carlisle looking for you.  She was worried when you didn’t come home.  They covered for you, said that we were up having a ‘giggling girl’s night’ and fell asleep watching a movie.”  She smiled and I mentally reminded myself to thank her family for their cover.  “We should tell them what happened though.  I’m sure Jacob’s quick departure was to inform the pack of your return and we need to figure out what to do about you.”

 

I looked at her quizzically, “What?” 

 

She shook her head and gave me a warm smile, “I just mean that this werewolf part of you can’t be healthy Bella.  I’ve seen the wolves phase and sure I’ve heard the first few times can be somewhat painful until you’ve gotten used to what to expect but you were in agony.  I don’t think the strengthening vampire part of you was too happy with the wolf that came bursting out.  Our forms aren’t exactly meant for shape-shifting.”  She pulled me up and laced her fingers with mine.

 

“You’re right, I hadn’t really thought about it like that.  I haven’t phased since...”  I trailed off, knowing she understood without having to speak it.  “But um...” I looked down and smirked, “I can’t very well walk into your house looking like this.”

 

Alice looked me up and down while purring deep in her chest.  “No, I suppose you can’t.  Not that I’m complaining but I don’t want my brothers, or Rosalie for that matter to get any ideas and try to steal you away from me.”

 

I laughed and then laughed harder at her serious glare.  “Alice, no one in this world could take me away from you.” 

 

She smiled and pulled me towards her house.  “Come on, I’ll leave you at the tree’s edge where they can’t see you and run in to grab you some clothes.”  We took off back towards the house and I had to shake my head.  ‘ _After the break an exclusive episode...Hybrid human, vampire, werewolf seen streaking through the woods with her vampire mate, next on Maury.’_

Alice’s laugh carried throughout the forest.   _You are so delightfully weird._

~_~_~_~

After Alice had gotten me some clothes she drove me home to Karen’s so I could get our story straightened out and not have her worrying after me.  I didn’t want to tell anyone in Alice’s family about what had happened yet but I knew I couldn’t put it off for long.  I just needed to try and process things myself before getting bombarded with questions about my past...and now future issues. 

 

Karen didn’t drill me and really, she actually didn’t seem to mind at all.  Her only request was that in the future I let her know where I am in case I don’t come home so that she doesn’t worry.  She seems to adore the Cullen family, particularly Esme so there were no issues there.  The issue I was concerned about was Angela.  She wasn’t in school on Friday and I can only guess it was due to what went on Thursday night.  Here it is now Saturday and I don’t know if I should call her, go by her place or steer clear until I’ve talked to Carlisle.  Maybe he can call a meeting and play mediator?  I shook my head, I shouldn’t keep him in the middle but he does have a somewhat civil relationship with the wolves.  I just need to know what they plan to do about ‘me’. 

 

I decided I needed to suck it up and head over to see Alice.  I told her to head home and prepare her family for our meeting and explanation and I would have Karen drop me off on her way to Port Angeles.   Alice spent the night with me the last two nights, holding me as I **tried** to sleep.  That was beginning to be a human trait that was quickly leaving me.  I actually missed it.  She was quick to leave in the early mornings so that Karen didn’t catch us.  I wasn’t ready for that conversation yet.  Luckily even though the werewolf in me kept me out of Alice’s visions, it didn’t keep Karen out and avoid any awkward moments.

 

Karen was just pouring some juice as I came down the stairs.  She smiled as she saw me and handed me the glass, turning to pour another for herself.  “Good morning, Bella, how did you sleep?”

 

It took all I had not to roll my eyes or snicker, “I had a peaceful night.”  I replied honestly.  Having a gorgeous brunette angel holding me tight was as peaceful as it could get.

 

“I’m glad to hear that.  I just got a call from Esme, she said they invited you over for the remainder of the weekend and wanted to clear it with me.”  She grinned and sat down at the table next to me.  “I simply adore her...she didn’t need to apologize about last time, I know how you kids can be but it was sweet of her none the less.”

 

I nodded my head, “Esme is something.  Is it alright with you then?”

 

“Yes, of course.”  She paused and I could tell she had something on her mind.  “Bella, can I be quite honest with you?”  Seeing my nod, she stood up and paced the small kitchen slowly.  “You’re an adult Bella.  Yes, you are in my care for the next few months until you turn 18 but I know you are a responsible woman.  I also know, that you are a very special woman.  I won’t pretend to understand, or to say that I’m not curious but there’s something different about you...as well as the Cullen’s.”

 

I know my face couldn’t have been that composed at her statement but I tried my hardest.  Before I got a chance to reply she continued, “Your family has always been very good to mine.  I know there’s none of them left now,” she paused, eyeing me a bit, “but I was always told one day...a unique girl would need me, and to help her without reserve.  I know that girl is you.  I don’t want to know anymore than I already do, as I think it’s best for the both of us.  Just know that I am here for you, should you need something and I won’t ask questions or pry.”

 

I swallowed and stood, wrapping my arms around her.  Other than the Cullen’s, Karen was the only family I had.  The last link of my true family.  “Karen...do you know what ever happened to my uhm...great grandma Renee?”  I bit my lip.

 

She looked at me curiously, “I only know what was talked about, hearsay if you will.  I can’t say how much if any truth is to it, Bella.  However, word was that...she was a bit wild, disappeared one night after a passing man came through town selling furs.  Some people thought he took her against her will as he gave off quite the uneasy impression among most.  However, there are those that thought it wouldn’t be past her to take off.”  She looked down almost as if ashamed to speak of my family in such a way.

 

“What do you think?”  I asked her, planning on this being my last question.

 

“I think she was swept away by the mystery of the unknown.  Now let’s get going, can’t keep the Cullen’s waiting!”  She grabbed her purse and keys and headed out the door leaving me to follow.

 

The mystery of the unknown.   I snorted.  Fuck now I’m an episode of Unsolved Mysteries.  My life is just going to be one giant puzzle, isn’t it?  Why should I care after 85 years?  My own mother, if she did run off with this man, this Demitrius, why do I care to search for her?  She obviously wasn’t concerned for me.  My body began to get warm and I started to tremble.  I was mad.  I grit my teeth and thought of Alice.  I took an unnecessary breath and steadied myself, grabbing my overnight bag.  I wanted to hate my mother, but the part of me that feared she _was_ taken, without a choice...wouldn’t allow me to.  So now I’m back to square one.

 

~_~_~_~

 

The drive to the Cullen’s was peaceful.  Karen was humming along to some music on the radio and I was listening to my iPod.  I had this song stuck in my head and it seemed so fitting it was almost ridiculous.  I finally listened enough that I knew the words by heart without the use of the iPod.  Putting it away as we pulled up their long lane I smiled as I saw Alice on the porch waiting for me.  I tried to put the pain, anger and confusion I was feeling in regards to my mother aside for now. 

 

Karen kissed my cheek and gave a cheery hello and a wave to Alice as I got out of the car.  I hugged her and wished her a good weekend as I started up the short walkway to the porch.  Alice was waiting patiently as I walked at human speed in case Karen was still watching.  I could see by the look on her face she wasn’t quite as patient as she was making herself appear.  I smirked.  _Another day’s been laid to waste...in my disgrace._   Karen was out of sight and Alice pulled me into her arms and hugged me close.  _Stuck in my head again, feels like I’ll never leave this place, there’s no escape.  I’m my own worst enemy._

 

“Oh Bella,” Alice pulled back and eyed me, “Come on, we’ll get this figured out.  Everyone is waiting inside.”  She grabbed my hand and pulled me inside until we reached the sitting room.  Esme had a glass of iced tea waiting for me but I noticed Alice slightly shake her head.  “I think she’s beyond that point now.”  I could only nod and smile back.

 

_I’ve given up, I’m sick of feeling.  Is there nothing you can say?  Take this all away, I’m suffocating...tell me what the fuck is wrong with me?_

 

Alice whipped her head around to me quickly.  I thought she was going to say something but she stopped.  Tilting her head slightly, she spoke...in my mind that is.  _Bella, are you alright?  Do you need to hunt?_

 

“Are you thirsty?  Should you hunt before we begin?”  Esme asked soothingly touching my shoulder. 

 

I looked between the two of them wondering if they were sharing thoughts now and grinned.  “No, we’re not; great minds just think alike.”  Alice answered and bumped her hip with Esme’s.

 

“Alright well if everyone is ready, let’s begin.”  Carlisle started and the entire family nodded and focused their attention on me.

 

“Well I’m assuming Alice explained what happened?”  They all nodded but Edward had an almost pained look on his face when looking at Alice.  “What?  Why are you looking at her like that?”

 

Edward tore his eyes from Alice and looked to me, “I’m sorry, I just...normally when Alice tells a story, a first-hand account, I can see it in her mind as she’s telling it.  Despite having the details, I can’t get anything from her, I still can’t.  It’s a bit unnerving.”

_I think it’s more frustrating for him_. I thought and Alice smirked.

 

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine. If you find any, please point them out, I started this in 2009 so I like to think I have slightly improved since then....


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